I'm sitting home alone, in bed, on a Sunday afternoon. Reading PostSecret, listening to the french rock you gave me and telling myself I don't need to cry.
I'm distracting myself by spending money I don't have on Magic tournaments, and wishing I could fall back on the security of what we had to defend myself from the men there.
I'm hanging out with everyone I know, over and over again so I don't have to be alone, and cringing because I know they'll get tired of me sooner or later.
I'm telling myself that I'm getting over you. I'm starting to believe it when I get hit by the most tremendous wave of longing and wishing I had you to cling to again.
I'm smoking cigarettes on a habitual basis. Not just cloves anymore either.
I've started crying to the upteenth time and don't feel any sort of catharsis like I should.
Catharsis is a lie, however self-destruction is no answer and sorrow will not win back what is love-lost. So lean on your friends without fear and start looking forward instead of backwards. That's the best advice that can be given from one who has been there. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteYou'll make it through because you're super awesome.
ReplyDelete*thumbs up*