I've been deeply unhappy for a long time now. For lots of reasons. Most of them my fault.

The thing in Atlanta that's a bad idea continues to happen. I've mostly divorced my feelings about the situation, but sometimes when I'm in a low place it stabs in how little I matter to him. Have had to cancel twice, and I guess I'm good enough for sex at least because he still wants me to go up there. After last time he made sure to reschedule as soon as he could, but of course he had plans for Valentines day. Since the stunning conversation we had initially, it's been made pretty clear that my conversation is not desired outside of our visits. It's less that he seems to care about me (emotionally) not at all, and more that there is someone that he does care about and it's not me. It won't ever be me. I'm going to try and develop the emotional fortitude to remove myself from this situation.