grph.

all any of us really want is to be loved.

I miss feeling wanted. Dressing up with the understanding that someone else would take off my clothes. Special matching underwear and words written across body parts, secret messages for later. I miss intimacy and understanding. I miss the smell of dried sweat on skin, and when more than just the wind tangled my hair.

Most of all I miss being touched. Nothing makes material existence as real or as blissful as the arm around your waist from behind. Someone else's hand through my hair.

It's been a year since I had someone around. Been on a pilgrimage of sorts. Trying to be a better person. Trying to learn to love myself.

Learning to accept my flaws and limitations. Finding joy in small moments. To sleep in a way that occupies the entire bed. Went through my handkerchief drawer and was mildly surprised to find my pair of handcuffs.

Don't know much about what I want from life. But I want it to have love. Most of all, I want to be in love.