When I'm single, once I'm done mourning the death of the relationship, all I seem to think and write about is the opposite sex. But I have this... awkwardness that may be a biological reaction to past heartache. I can remember being a bit more suave. The last few times a guy has flirted with me, it's made me very uncomfortable. But that may be more because I find something about the guy unappealing. The last time I tried flirting with a guy, I am pretty sure I just creeped him out. 


I feel like an asshole when I awkward weasel my way out of romantic social occasions proposed by someone else and sit at home alone and wallow in loneliness. Because it is an asshole thing to do. Trying not to bitch about it has been step one towards recovery in this area. 


"It's no good trying to get rid of your own aloneness. You've got to stick to it all your life. Only at times, at times, the gap will be filled in. At times! But you have to wait for the times. Accept your own aloneness and stick to it, all your life. And then accept the times when the gap is fileld in, when they come. But they've got to come. You can't force them."