None of the things I'm trying to accomplish are terribly difficult or challenging. I deserve no condemnation or congratulations, as what I am trying to do is catch up with properly functioning humans. There aren't any cravings really, for the cigarettes. But then I'll remember a moment like standing on the front porch of my last apartment at three in the morning, hair askew. The night was quiet, and the flick of the lighter was the loudest sound as his arm slipped around my waist.

But smoking won't bring anything back. Not that I want it, but it's fun to fall in love.

After enough people in your life grow to dislike you from being around you a lot, there's only so much you can blame on individual personality quirks. At a certain point, you realize that it's you. Not sure how anyone manages to spend a concentrated amount of time with me. It's something I can barely stand, myself.

Ah, but what do we say to death? Not today.