Monday, October 14, 2024

36

It's my first birthday as a mom. I mean, I guess maybe last year I was pregnant - but unfortunately not all pregnant people get to be moms. This year I get to hear her giggle and dress her in cute outfits and dream of decades of Halloween costumes. I get to watch her experience things for the first time and become a person. But I digress. 

This is my first birthday as a mom, and I feel very loved and celebrated for my identity separate from motherhood. Part of me was worried about that - about everything in my life being about the kid from now on. I mourned that during pregnancy. But my husband did his very best to surprise me after hearing me say for years that I'd never had a surprise party. He told me that we were gonna have dinner with another of our couple friends, and then when we turned the corner there a good half dozen folks I had not expected to see. I got to eat at my favorite restaurant while my inlaws watched Ramona, and see people I loved. 

That said, Monday is a terrible day to have a birthday. I have to work, Tyler has to work. Bleh. But Mom is watching Ramona for dinner and we're going to go eat sushi. There's a cake in the fridge that Tyler's mom made, and it's delicious. That's for breakfast (and dessert!) 







Saturday, September 28, 2024

Typing one handed because she's asleep on my left arm. Snoring a little, definitely her father's child. I'm overwhelmed with the amount of unconditional love I feel for her, even in these small moments. It's six am, the Saturday after a very hard week and my baby is sleeping so comfortably in my arms. Tiny body twitching and grunting. I wonder if my parents ever felt like this about me, before things got bad? I have to hope so.









Thursday, August 8, 2024







Weird thing I'm remembering now, three months post birth: 

When friends or family came to meet her in the hospital, they kept sniffing her head and enjoying the 'new baby smell.' She just smelled like blood until she got her bath three days later idk what everyone else was on about. 

 

Monday, July 22, 2024

The more time I spend as a parent, the more angry I am at my own for my childhood. How could you even think to do that shit to someone so small and trusting? 



Thursday, June 20, 2024