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At first I was all:

But then, I lol'd.

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For some reason, blogger is being retarded tonight. Took several strange attempts to get this to upload.

So, I have has an interesting day. I woke up optimistic. I was feeling very good about my sculpture critique, because I felt that my piece was strong. During crit, my instructor said that she thought my design was "flawless." Afterwards, I stayed to have a heart-to-heart with my instructor, who I respect immensely about possibly changing my major to sculpture. I've been feeling very unsatisfied with the photo department, and after I started experimenting with photoshop, I feel like everything about the industry is completely ingenuous. I don't know if I could be happy being a photographer knowing that anything I do can be made better with a computer program. Anyway, I spoke to my professor, and she said that she really saw me going places, and that I had a real aptitude for design. It made me feel like a million bucks.

Then I went to my FANR exam. No problem. Hit it out of the park. In and out in twelve minutes.

This is where the day took a turn.

I headed to visit my mother, who had a birthday card from my grandfather for me. I got it, (it was only 25 bucks) and then went upstairs with her for a minute. I saw some of my old coworkers who promptly told me that I had changed: I had gained weight. This immediately took the wind out of my sails. I was really hurt, so I left. My mother tried to stop me from going, telling me that it was actually a compliment. Really. I left, and now we're not talking.

The rest of the day has been off because of that. I feel really self-concious. My picture for the day is me examining a part of myself that I don't like. I'm too fleshy. I need to lose weight. I hate the way I look and am desperately going to try and lose weight so that I can feel pretty again.

Hey, Josh:

I love you.

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I'ma fly.

I don't look in the mirror
I don't like what I see staring back at me
Everything is clearer
I'll never see what you see
It's not me
So beautiful and free
I'll never be what you need
Can't help at all
I was born so beautiful
But now I'm ugly

And I rot in my skin
As a piece of me dies everyday
I know I'm nothing
I know there's nothing I can say
To change
The judegment in their ways
I'll never be what you need
Can't help at all
My love was so beautiful
But now I'm ugly
Yeah...

I'm good enough, but I don't care
I'm good enough, but I'm not there
I'm good enough, but I don't care
The sun is out, but I'm not there

I'm good enough, but I don't care
The sun is out, but I'm not there
I'm good enough
I'm good enough

I don't look in the mirror
I don't like what I see staring back at me
Everything is clearer
I'll never see what you see
And I rot in my skin
As a piece of me dies everyday
I know I'm nothing
Because I'm ugly

---

Realized I hadn't ripped the songs off of my copy of Aeroplane Flies High yet. I'm swimming back in the pools of insecurity, self-derision, hope, adventure and feckless love of High School. I think this have always been my song. This and Cherry, from the same collection. But not in a self-critical way. Just in a mood, tone, and place sort of thing. I promise I'm not emo-ing out.

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This is my second project for my Intro sculpture class. I <3>

The initial sketches had the pair of pyramids inverted and connected to each other by a thin dowel. I am very glad that I decided against this plan. Imi (my instructor) and Ernesto (the graduated student for the class) really seemed to enjoy it before I had even stained it, so I'm hoping that the stain I chose only adds to it.

I used two different sorts of stain, red for the outer sides, and a black stain for the sides that are facing each other. Otherwise known as "the cans of free stain that had the most in them."

Ugh, I'm doggedly tired already, and I do have a handful of more things to work on. Next stop: laundry. I think I can, I think I can.

Garfield minus Garfield.

Is anyone familiar with a website/ book entitled garfield minus garfield?

If not, http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/ is the web address.

The concept, like the name suggests, is take three frames of the Garfield comic strips and removing the cat from them. In a large number of these panels, it really serves to make Jon look like an alienated, socially awkward and very sad individual. Occasionally, it's just absurd.

Anyway, I discovered this site about a year ago, but then forgot about it, and have recently come back into contact with it, so-to-speak. I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into it, and making it more poignant than it actually is, but I find it to be absolutely fantastic.

A handful of other webcomic-ish things that I feel are worth checking out (if you don't read them already) are as follows:

http://www.nataliedee.com/

http://www.superpoop.com/

http://www.marriedtothesea.com/

http://www.explosm.net/comics/

http://xkcd.com/

And if you don't already read XKCD, I'm going to suggest that there is something wrong with you. It has become so ingrained in my routine, I'm not sure I'd know what to do with myself if I lost that little bit of occasionally romantic, witty in the way I love, wonderfully nerdy comic.

Mostly I'm posting this because I have two more hours until the sculpture studio opens and I don't want to do my flashcards for FANR.

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Jewelry has always meant a lot to me. Whenever someone that I've been in a relationship with someone, and they've given me jewelry, I would obsessively wear it. Be it a bracelet, a necklace, or whatever. I wear it to peices. I never realized why for the longest time.

Then, I discovered my sexual position as a submissive. I was trying to make the jewelry into a collar of sorts, even though the relationships were always vanilla. Now that I actually have one to wear, I almost don't know what to do with myself. I feel very complete, and very loved.

And I will wear it ragged. Hahaa.

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So excited about tonight. A month really is a very long time.

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I am a sleepy pants. Been in recovery all day. No naps.